Things happen when you least expect it or haven't been looking for it ...

   I have always thought so much about how things in life usually only happen when you least expect them to the point where I've lost my sanity some nights. Has it ever occurred the whatever higher being that life is a total bitch sometimes and a bit of warning would be nice? Staying on that subject, life does always warn us about the idiocies we are about to commit but we open heartily choose not to listen thus allowing life to set a fucking time bomb off in our face because we did not see the writing on the wall. I woke up one day and after a horribly long fought day (full of nothing but me stepping on land mines it seemed) when I decided it was time to tap out I realized that life is a bitch then you die. No matter what happens you will wake up the next day either feeling the day (or days depending who you are and what type of life style you live) before this one and letting it completely ruin the mediocre life you live. Some still wake up like the rest of the losers that fill this world but instead of letting there past hold them back from greatness have gone a step beyond the "normal" and become something in this life, in their life. They mite not become world leaders, generals, doctors, lawyers, teachers, star athletes, or even parents but have done something all those "great" people (or so society tells us they are aside from the parents they truly are the real B.A.M.F's of this world at least those who choose to be) have done. They have chosen to wake up every morning looking to do at least one good deed, they have chosen to be there when their friends need someone, they have chosen to teach to those who are willing to learn, guide those who are lost, and always have a smile with what they do.

   They are only two types of people in this world. Those that let their past keep them down and those who keep going even if every single step they take is more then what they can handle. I ask any and all who read this ... where do you fall under ? You don't have to post anything. This is just something you ask yourself and be honest you know who you are. Why are you this one or the other one ? What can you do to change or become an even better person ? ... Who are you ?

   Time after time I see whats in front of me a bit to late and I let it slip through my fingers. Have you ever had something in front of you and because your blinded and scared you let it go without a second thought until its to late and you have lost it ? Ive done that twice now in my life and it never gets easier I can promise you that. I hate that a lot of times I can't seem to get what life is trying to tell me until its to late and that bomb we were talking about earlier goes off and I'm knocked down. I keep getting up because after a good while all I knew was the ground and nothing I did got me up and many times I wanted it to all end so never again will I let myself become that ! That's way I will always get up and keep going even if it kills me
   I say that what makes a man hell what makes a person isn't what the do when there stranding but what they do when life knocks them down and does all it can to keep them there! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that statement is life in a nut shell for those who have ever been through some type of hardship and are alive and kicking screaming back at life with a good ol "FUCK YOU BITCH I'M ALIVE AND NOT GOING TO STOP NO MATTER WHAT!"

ps.
Change is coming are you ready ?
Change is coming am I ready?
Who are you ?
Who am I ?
Why do you care ?
Who do I care ?
Will you ever learn ?
Will I ever learn ?

Who is me ... Why am I me ... What does me do

   The past couple of days I have been emotionaly bombarded by life. i feel as if my journey to find myself has became something more then even i could of possible imagined. i believe finding who i am was only part of this new journey and now that Robert Haro is finally here its time to find out why i feel empty inside. I have lately been able to be there for friends of mine and that helps shake the feeling of emptiness but at the end of the day its like i am missing something. Its like no matter what I do or no matter how much I get done its never enough to completely feel like i have accomplished something.

   I try to do what I can to help ppl. I find that its the best thing i can do to make something of myself in this world, hell in my life. I think i do an alright job i mean just a couple of last nights ago i went to my best friends house at 1:00 oclock in the morning just b/c i thought he needed someone to talk to. Yet day after day I all ways feel like "is it enough? Am I worth anything?" ...

   You ever wake up one morning and just feel like no matter what happens you will be on top ? You ever wake up one morning and feel as if no matter what you do everything will work out for you ? You ever wake up one day and just feel lik you can take on the whole world and then some ?
  
   You ever wake up one morning and feel as if the moment you step out of bed life is going to find every single way to ruin you ? You ever wake up and feel like a Superhero an by the end of the day reality sets in and you fall out of the sky ? You ever wake up one morning and just know it wont be your day ?

   So much of your day rides on how you feel in the morning. If you choose to have a positive mind set then you are already one step the right direction for the rest of your day. You can only control so much that happens in life (that is certainly true) but the one big thing you can control is how you react to what happens day to day. Do you let it get to you to the point where you can't fuction or do you press forward and live life? So many choices but the ball is always in your court!

   Days like this remind me of how awesome I am. It mite sound concedied to some but if I dont tell myself how amazing I am who will ? I was with family today out in gunlock (I believe that is in Utah but not sure lol) today and repeated I was told how such a great young man I have turned out to be and that with being the oldest of my generation (in my family of course) a lot of pressure rides on my shoulders but that they wouldnt have had it any other way. The love me very much and sometimes I forget that but being reminded helps me get passed the feeling of failure I sometimes have.

   My mother with one convo. has made me a better man. What she told me devastated me and completely changed not only the way I see her but women in general. The I see women as these flowers that need to be taken care of (not saying that they cant do it by them selfs b/c they can). What I mean by that is being a gentleman is a lost art it seems and very few men treat women the way they are meant to be treated. Its a sad day in my life when men treat women wrongly ! It is truly a crime of the worst kind ! ... Now though the view has been inhanced incrediblely ! Mom if you ever read this know that I truly love you so much and I hope I can be a man, a son, a brother, father, a partner, a person you can be proud of ! I know you tell me that all the time but I truly hope Im doing right by you :)

    Who is me ... Robert Haro aka Superman ... Why am I me ... I choose to be who I am because I live life the best way I can always making sure I csan make as difference wether it be with my life or someone elses ... What does me do ... Be the best version of me! Life is easier when you have good family and friends and I try my best to be a good family member as well as a good friend ...

   I. Choose. To. Be. More.

I remember ...

   So my last two days have been they most bitter sweet days Ive had in a long while ... Yesterday I just witnessed my mother (for some god awful reason) barely be able to get out of bed and that was with my Dad having to help you up like he would my great grand mother ... My ggm has 60 years on my mom tell me that isnt wrong I dare you ... She cant move she can barley stay awake long enough to watch a thirty minute show, she has goten out of bed i believe four times in two days ... I had hoped many more years would of gone by in both my mothers life and mine b4 I had to fetch all my mothers things b/c she cant get up b/c the pain is to much for her ... I hate saying things like why me (or her for intance) but come on really ?! why it feels like a horrible strom that jsut doesnt leave ... yah it goes through its ok patches but in the end of the day ... its tearing apart everything ... I hate ( an i never hate its just alot of work to hate) this I feel hopeless day after day after day (even feeling gulity for wanting to go to bed earlier b/c I alwasy worry "wat if she needs me tonight" .. is that even healthly?) .... I cant do anything about it ... all I can do is be there for my mom when she needs me but even then it feels like its to little of a part that im doing ...

   Its been sweet b/c today i had orienatation an I was truly a blast !!! It was great getting to know new ppl an it really got me excited for college I cant wait ....

   Which then makes me think "oh man what if she needs me while im gone" I not that far away from home (about an hour an 10 minutes)  but I still wont be there to take care of my siblings when she cant ... ahhhhhhhh Its so much some times I cant breathe ... Like the weight of the world I hold up .... I shouldnt worry as much as I do It isnt healthly I know that but dam it I cant help it .... Everyday I see my mother slowly slip away from me, from her family... Its not so fast the she will be gone soon (knock on wood!) but I know that she wont be there when Im older ... I remember the days when she held me tight and I thought to myself  "she may not be perfect but I wouldnt want a different mother ... she loves me more then Ill ever be able to understand" I remember when she would smile more and have more fun ... i remember when she wasnt battling every day of her life ... I remember it alll .... Ahh I'll stay up late so mad I see red ... so fucking furious at the world, at life, at watever higher power there is (if there is one), at myself ... at everything ... My blood boils an I hav to get ahold of myself an say "breathe man ... breathe ... thats all you need to do right now ... jsut breathe" ...

  I hope and have faith for the day when all Is ok but some days its almost impossible ... Ill never give up Its not in my blood and I hate those words an what they mean  ... but some days its just a lot to take in ....

Even for Superman 2.0

Dreams

   Dreams are one of the few gifts left on earth that havent been some how ruined by ppl ... they are the ultimate escape from whatever your cross to bear is. They are whatever you want them to be. You are the master of your Dreams ! You control the story and only you can change what happens.

   The sad reality of it though is when fear, or sadness, or pain, or anything of that sort gain the upper hand in your life (or at least your thoughts) you tend to have what we call ... Nightmares ... Now nightmares come in all shapes an sizes and some how always hit you where it hurts the most. They could be as simple as you being chased by clown or so intense that your in a small squad trying to survive against an oncoming invasion of alien troops who want nothing more then to capture you and torture you for the rest of your days ...

   They can even be ones of false hope ... ones that make you believe that the impossible is possible (to some that only is a nightmare for there drive to be more had died along with their spirit) and they can become what hey have "dreamed" of .... Others are repeating memories that you try so hard to forget but resurface when your defenses are down. You never really know when your nightmares will replace your dreams (an while you may have an idea) you never do know ...

   My dreams an nightmares usually come as a pair ... I cant have one without the other coming the next night. Then I usually dont dream about anything for a goood while. I still dont know whats worse, Not having any dreams or only having nightmares (with the once and a while good dream) ... ahhhh idk why it gets so bad during some streches of nights when I do dream ... For the past two weeks I done alot of dreaming (so much its almost overwhelming ... i cant remember the last time ive dreamt like this) and I dont know whether the my dreams have been good or not Idk how to take them ... It brings feelings I thought I was done with (at least for a while) and sometimes they are so confusing Im literely up some nights just trying to understand what they meant exactly ... Its so frustrating I actaully lose sleep over thinking about them !!!

   First my problem was I didnt dream ... Now I have dreams coming out of my ass but most of them I cant understand ... Then those I can understand are drving me mad !!! I guess I should be grateful I got what I asked for ... guess its true what they say "be careful what you wish for, you just mite get it" haha oh how I love irony even if its aimed towards me ...

  So here I am almost 4 am and im writing about dreams ... Maybe im scared of what Ill find when I fall under the sand mans curse ... Hmm any ideas as to why My dreams are so FUCKING insane ? ... No didnt think so ... ahhhhhhhhhhhh er um hm um auh ....

   Dreams are amazing if given the chance to grow ... they are like children ... give them love, give them care, always make sure to play with them, tell them you love them, and they can be everything you want them to be. With the help of someone they can even surprise you ... just depends on how well you take care of them and how well you take care urself ...

  I will finish this post with this thought ... Everyone at one point or another has a dream about something ... Why not try to do at least one thing that makes that dream possible ... Just one thing is all I ask

Hello Mr. Wall ! Have you met my face ?

It's late at night and here I am not asleep writing my blog ...

My mind feels like it's running a marrathon and it's been going 100 miles per hour but getting no where !!! i believe a new era for Superman is coming ... The superman of old is gone ... He died buried with his red and blue suit ... Now in the shadows lies the new Superman, the one who is the true hero but needed time to found out not only who he was but what he stood for ...



I thought I was bulletproof and then came one day I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun (a gun known as life) and suddenly realized that the "Superman" I was ... clearly wasn't bulletproof, the trigger was pulled and I -the one who was supposed to Invincible, the one who was supposed to never lose, the one who said he could never be beaten -was brought to my knees. I had lost who I was but I truly had never found me in the first place I had just hid behind a crest.



I was powerless and in the dark completely and utterly vulnerable. All that i knew went up in flames. I had been knocked off the top of the world (and in reality I was just running away from what I was feeling). I couldn't understand why this was happening, I felt as if I was to never again feel like I did and that scared the holy piss out of me ... Yet as i walked around in the dark looking for anything that i could hold on to I started to see that what i was wasn't what I wanted to be anymore ... I had spent so much time trying to be this "Superman" tha everyone knew (hell that I only knew how to be), that I had lost who Robert Haro was ... In the dark I saw me again ... I saw the child that loved life, the teenager that hated that same life, the man that will one day live that life, the partner I can be one day, the person I am today, the friend i want to be, the brother i strive to be, the son I have been, the role model I am and will be to ppl, the true Superman i will become, the father that will love his children.



I spent so much time helping others that in the end I almost couldnt help myself. It took not knowing where the hell up, down, left, or right was to find my Fortress of Soliude, my safe haven from this ride we call life.



I found Robert Haro and this time he is here to stay. I will not make the mistake of my past for I finally understand what I need to do with anything in my life ... DO my absolute best and I wont be let down nor will I ever truly lose to this game we know is life. Ive taken the blows I need to become what I need to be for my life to be what I want it to be ... Ive been through a unholy hell enough times to be able to understand life isnt always kind but while thats true I will not be beaten again not like before no this time I will always stand back up and I. WILL. NEVER. GIVE. UP. !!!


On a side note I just need to add ... Grandpa I truly miss you ... Its nearly been a year since you passed and when I remember you I feel lik a little kid again, I see you at ur best teaching me how to ride my bike, showing me how to look after all ur puppies (oh how you loved dogs:), always making sure i knew that you loved me. Grandpa you didnt have to be half the man you were with me and my family being that you and us were not blood related yet you choose to be the greatest man Ive ever know (being a father to my own pops when his dad barley gave a care about us) ... the day you passed was a day ill never forget. I already knew it had happened before my parents told me. Thats the reason I came into there room that wednesday night. My mother in tears an the shock on my fathers face was enough to back my feelings. You were gone and I hadnt seen you in years. I felt (an some days still do) like I had abonded you , my loving grandfather, I kept saying how i would go visit you in the nursing home yet week after week I had these stupid excuse as to why is didnt show up. You had lost most of your memory yet you would alwasy remember me ,the little boy you helped raise, you never forgot me and I sometimes feel like i did forget you .... Im truly srry Gramps that you were alone when you passed an coming up to that. I cant help feel so gulity not going to see you it eats at me. I kno you would never have gotten angry or felt disapointed in me so I want to thank you for that :) I will always remember you and I will always Love you my Grandfather may you be resting in peace and I hope im making you proud !


The rest of my life may be rocky (with so much happening I really dont know) but I still will enjoy all that I can ... Smiles an laughter I promise will be in my future no matter what happens I will be smiling and laughing ... World ! ready or not Robert Haro is coming ... He's also a new and improved Superman !





P.S.

Its funny how much I have missed that thump, thump, thump of my heart. Its like a warm reminder of how wonderful life can be. No matter what the future may hold I am ready ... thump thump thump

Great news

On a happier note no little ppl in my dreams last night !! haha i win this round stupid lil ppl XD

So lik um ha ... Hmm no name today ...

so right now my head is spining and my heart is ponding ... Could be cuz the tea I took on top of this insane sleeping pattern I hav or just wats going on with my life ... My mom is sick she has M.S. And over the years it has taken a toll on her an gets worse everyday ... She may not seem to sick some days or even ok others but I'm not stupid I kno wats happening and it truly scares me ... So much can happen to her (and I kno I shouldn't be scared or I shouldt worry to much but god damn it's alot to tak in sometimes) I mean imagine watching your mother die slowly infront of you and their be nothing and i mean nothing you can do about it ... some times ill stay up with her just to mak sure if she needs something ill be there for her ... maybe i worry to much an i let this overwhelm me ... maybe ... then my whole one thing is lik ahhhh wat do u do ?! i forgot to listen again and now im lik crap should i or shouldnt i ? hmm no true harm can come of it if its just a beginning i see but then idk ... i hav much white hairs haha an i think i kno why but i could be wrong XD .... i was really angry last night an to tell you all the truth i hav no sane reason why it was freaky ... i hate being angry or mad it takes so much out of me an lately ive hadnt had much to give some times im so worn out ... (i swear once i post this im out lik a light ... but lik i havent said that b4 lol) ... then on top of everything its back (even if its for a bit it is an im lik omg please just leave me alone kinda thingish if that makes sense) but to my great fortune (ya haha i made a funny) its not as world upside thingy any more which makes me happy becuz i kno ima be ok an still be strong XD ... on a side note i love that song 'i want to be a billionare' its so my jam i swear hahaha ... ok back to serious buisness ... hmm i think its to late for that (it would proly just be plane weird but at the same time it mite seem to late after this hmmm) ... why cant life come with a guide lik video games i swear it would be so much easier ... i wish lol ... in three minutes ill decide no wait forget the time limit i think it would give it away and thats just not cool .... here soon tppl r going to see me and be lik wow didnt he hav black hair not whit ? why did he dye it when in all truth i just worried myself to white hair lol (of ourse it would still look amazing XD just white not black but when i think about it now it mite not be that bad having white hair haha spike it up an look alll awesome lik hahaha) ... srry its late an im just going every where with this ... any who im stull kinda lost in somethings and i hope god or watever is up there gives me a sign so i kno wat in hell fury do i hav to do or wat should i do or even a flippin clue as to wat mite happen if i do this or this ... that would just be to easy for me huh big guy just to damn easy ...ahhhhhhhhhh idk idk idk .... i.d.k. ill finish with a quote from a movie i cant wait to see ...


Its so fluffy !!!!!!!! hahahahaha lol cant wait to see it ...

Its so annoying to wait !!!

all these stupid farm games on facebook hav such long an annoying wait time for anything to happen !!!! its lik a two hour wait (or more i swear) for anything good an while i love the challenge of starting out with nothing an building something amazing (i mean my main games are RPGs) its just so annoying and then they hav lik stupid elevator music playing and im lik wtf ?!?!?! they couldnt of picked any better music for this overly addicting game that i cant stop playing anymore ?!??!?! i swear some times companies do this jsut to piss me off !! yah thats right not you or ur parents but just me !!! ahh im so raging an AHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... alright i feel a little better now .... seriously not really its so STUPID !!! man how i hate to wait !!!! im so gunna play that unicorn game on adultswim now ... no waiting on that and its the most manly game ever created lol

Poem: Broken Hero

From out of the sky comes down crashing the hero of heroes, The man of Steel, Superman.

He hits the ground and is only able to get to his knees.

With all the world going to hell Superman finds that he has lost.

He gave up, his will to protect was broken.

A little girl and her mother witnessed his defeat and horrible crash back down to earth.

"Mommy what's wrong with Superman!? Why isn't he getting back up?!" yells the little girl.

"Honey some times people can only take so much punishment untill the break. I believe Superman has found his breaking point and god help us all now that he has." Her mother barley breathes out.

"But mommy he's Superman! He is supposed make sure we are all safe! How can he just give up?!" the little girl tells her mother

"Baby there's nothing we can do. We need to get out of here now!" The mother explains to her daughter.

"Mommy! Mommy! I can help Superman!" yells the girl.

"Stop being silly! What could you possible do little one he is broken?" askes the mother through tears and confused.

"Mommy you once told me that my smile could fix anything! So im going to fix Superman with my smile!" anwsers the girl.

"You cant really ... I didnt mean ... It was just something to ... hey you get back here little missy right now! It to dangerous!" yells out her mother.

She was to late the little girl had already reached Superman and the mother had to hide for the monster had almost reached them.

When the little girl gets to Superman she stares at him hoping to find some trace of her hero.

All she finds is an empty shell of the man she once believed could not beaten.

She didnt know she was crying untill she saw her tears fall onto her broken hero.

She had almost lost all hope as she stood there in shock (imagine standing over your hero ... not the greatest moment of her life).
"Superman why aren't you getting up and fighting the bad men? You are supposed to save everyone! You are supposed to keep mommy safe you promised! You are supposed to make sure I am save .. please get up ... please I'm so scared ... I don't want to die." The little girl says.

"I'm sorry little one but I can't win ... not this time ... I am so sorry." Is all Superman can tell the girl.

"My mommy said that you are broken and she also told me that i could fix the world with my smile if i needed too and I believe i can fix you Superman so please lift your head and look at me... please look up!" The little girl begs at Superman.

"Little one ... if this is what it takes for you too run for safety I'll see your smile" Superman reluctenly answers.

He finaly lifts his head to stare at the child.

Then the girl looks into eyes for the first time and the sight shakes his very soul.

He couldn't believe how a little girl could have such a powerful stare full of care, hope, and utter belief in him.

Then she gave him a smile only a child can give.

One of true life, love, and innocence.

One that could melt the heart of any man or woman, good or bad.

Then she gave him a hug and whispered into his ear, "Superman I'm npt scared anymore I believe you can save me ... I will never give up hope on you ... even if they take me away and kill me right now ... you will still be my Hero, the one I can always count on, the one who who will always be true, the one who will always protect me."

The end ...

Of part one ...

Please comment ...

Sigh

Here I am awake this late at night wondering what's going on with me ... I'm so tired yet I find no sleep... It makes it so hard to go on an get out of bed every day an smile an be happy ... Yet I'm strong enough to get out of bed an smile an be happy but it's getting harder everyday and for the life of me I don't kno why !? ... I'm lucky to hav friends that love me and are there for me when I need them but god damn I'm so tired like it's effecting how I feel .... Hmmm I'll get a hold on this sleeping thing but I hope it's soon cuz I don't kno how much I can go without sleep ahhhhhhh .... Well hopefully getting it all down on this blog will help I mean that's wat this kind of things are here for right ! ... Well I'm odd to a sleepless night an a full day ...

Life ...

Ive stayed up really late for a while now ... Its really getting old ... These last couple of days though ive been with my best bud (one of the two any ways) and Ive been having an amazing time but it makes me relize how life is about to change so drastically and even though i wont be alone it still scares the living cheese out of me. I hope I can survive what lies out their and become what I strive to be. So many oppertunites are ahead of me and even though Im scared I choose to take these challenges by the horn and wrestle it out!

Wow wow wow !!!

It's two something in the morning and I just got off my computer ! I was playing wow with my two bestest buds on the planet ! I love this game so much it's unhealthy haha :) I've started from scratch and it's just going so amaizng for me ! God only knos how many hours of my life this game has taken away and even after all the tears I've shed becuz of this game XD it's still my escape ! It's what makes up for not being able to sleep an it helps having awesome friends there with me !so if you ever find something you love to do and you hav people there who will do it with you and show just as much passion for it, hold on to those peolpe becuz they are the ones who will make it unforgetable

Why can't I Sleep ... Why can't i Dream

Lately I find myself not being able to sleep. I stay awake countless hours hoping to escape into my dreams and find peace as my life goes a hundred miles per hour into a brick wall.

No matter what I do or who I talk too I just cannot find that one thing that will release me into slumber and let my soul journey as I dream.

I feel like a guinea pig on their circle spinny thing doing all I can to get some where but in the end getting no where.

Ahhh! There is no answer for me as I lay here counting the sheep as they jump the fence or listen to soft music or even use my own tricks that Ive had other people try to help them sleep.

It just seems as if I cant find the off button for my brain as It Is always thinking about something even when all i want is to crawl into a dark hole and sleep for years.

Then on those choice nights where my body feels like going to bed before the sun comes out I ... Don't ... Dream.

I pray for sleep so that I mite escape into my dreams for my imagination is full of life and energy , but for some god forsaken reason I find no adventure waiting for me or some exciting new place to explore.

No instead I find nothing but emptiness.

A black hole with no kind of life, no happy feelings, no escape.

Then when the dreams come, they are filled with death and despair.

War raging with unspeakable acts preformed, the ending of the world in many different styles (most recent ones being Zombie Apocalypse and Locust invasion), and horrible survival tales.

I hope to find the answer to my sleeping problem soon so I mite again enjoy what it is to fall into a deep slumber and dream of the impossible!