Dreams

   Dreams are one of the few gifts left on earth that havent been some how ruined by ppl ... they are the ultimate escape from whatever your cross to bear is. They are whatever you want them to be. You are the master of your Dreams ! You control the story and only you can change what happens.

   The sad reality of it though is when fear, or sadness, or pain, or anything of that sort gain the upper hand in your life (or at least your thoughts) you tend to have what we call ... Nightmares ... Now nightmares come in all shapes an sizes and some how always hit you where it hurts the most. They could be as simple as you being chased by clown or so intense that your in a small squad trying to survive against an oncoming invasion of alien troops who want nothing more then to capture you and torture you for the rest of your days ...

   They can even be ones of false hope ... ones that make you believe that the impossible is possible (to some that only is a nightmare for there drive to be more had died along with their spirit) and they can become what hey have "dreamed" of .... Others are repeating memories that you try so hard to forget but resurface when your defenses are down. You never really know when your nightmares will replace your dreams (an while you may have an idea) you never do know ...

   My dreams an nightmares usually come as a pair ... I cant have one without the other coming the next night. Then I usually dont dream about anything for a goood while. I still dont know whats worse, Not having any dreams or only having nightmares (with the once and a while good dream) ... ahhhh idk why it gets so bad during some streches of nights when I do dream ... For the past two weeks I done alot of dreaming (so much its almost overwhelming ... i cant remember the last time ive dreamt like this) and I dont know whether the my dreams have been good or not Idk how to take them ... It brings feelings I thought I was done with (at least for a while) and sometimes they are so confusing Im literely up some nights just trying to understand what they meant exactly ... Its so frustrating I actaully lose sleep over thinking about them !!!

   First my problem was I didnt dream ... Now I have dreams coming out of my ass but most of them I cant understand ... Then those I can understand are drving me mad !!! I guess I should be grateful I got what I asked for ... guess its true what they say "be careful what you wish for, you just mite get it" haha oh how I love irony even if its aimed towards me ...

  So here I am almost 4 am and im writing about dreams ... Maybe im scared of what Ill find when I fall under the sand mans curse ... Hmm any ideas as to why My dreams are so FUCKING insane ? ... No didnt think so ... ahhhhhhhhhhhh er um hm um auh ....

   Dreams are amazing if given the chance to grow ... they are like children ... give them love, give them care, always make sure to play with them, tell them you love them, and they can be everything you want them to be. With the help of someone they can even surprise you ... just depends on how well you take care of them and how well you take care urself ...

  I will finish this post with this thought ... Everyone at one point or another has a dream about something ... Why not try to do at least one thing that makes that dream possible ... Just one thing is all I ask

Hello Mr. Wall ! Have you met my face ?

It's late at night and here I am not asleep writing my blog ...

My mind feels like it's running a marrathon and it's been going 100 miles per hour but getting no where !!! i believe a new era for Superman is coming ... The superman of old is gone ... He died buried with his red and blue suit ... Now in the shadows lies the new Superman, the one who is the true hero but needed time to found out not only who he was but what he stood for ...



I thought I was bulletproof and then came one day I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun (a gun known as life) and suddenly realized that the "Superman" I was ... clearly wasn't bulletproof, the trigger was pulled and I -the one who was supposed to Invincible, the one who was supposed to never lose, the one who said he could never be beaten -was brought to my knees. I had lost who I was but I truly had never found me in the first place I had just hid behind a crest.



I was powerless and in the dark completely and utterly vulnerable. All that i knew went up in flames. I had been knocked off the top of the world (and in reality I was just running away from what I was feeling). I couldn't understand why this was happening, I felt as if I was to never again feel like I did and that scared the holy piss out of me ... Yet as i walked around in the dark looking for anything that i could hold on to I started to see that what i was wasn't what I wanted to be anymore ... I had spent so much time trying to be this "Superman" tha everyone knew (hell that I only knew how to be), that I had lost who Robert Haro was ... In the dark I saw me again ... I saw the child that loved life, the teenager that hated that same life, the man that will one day live that life, the partner I can be one day, the person I am today, the friend i want to be, the brother i strive to be, the son I have been, the role model I am and will be to ppl, the true Superman i will become, the father that will love his children.



I spent so much time helping others that in the end I almost couldnt help myself. It took not knowing where the hell up, down, left, or right was to find my Fortress of Soliude, my safe haven from this ride we call life.



I found Robert Haro and this time he is here to stay. I will not make the mistake of my past for I finally understand what I need to do with anything in my life ... DO my absolute best and I wont be let down nor will I ever truly lose to this game we know is life. Ive taken the blows I need to become what I need to be for my life to be what I want it to be ... Ive been through a unholy hell enough times to be able to understand life isnt always kind but while thats true I will not be beaten again not like before no this time I will always stand back up and I. WILL. NEVER. GIVE. UP. !!!


On a side note I just need to add ... Grandpa I truly miss you ... Its nearly been a year since you passed and when I remember you I feel lik a little kid again, I see you at ur best teaching me how to ride my bike, showing me how to look after all ur puppies (oh how you loved dogs:), always making sure i knew that you loved me. Grandpa you didnt have to be half the man you were with me and my family being that you and us were not blood related yet you choose to be the greatest man Ive ever know (being a father to my own pops when his dad barley gave a care about us) ... the day you passed was a day ill never forget. I already knew it had happened before my parents told me. Thats the reason I came into there room that wednesday night. My mother in tears an the shock on my fathers face was enough to back my feelings. You were gone and I hadnt seen you in years. I felt (an some days still do) like I had abonded you , my loving grandfather, I kept saying how i would go visit you in the nursing home yet week after week I had these stupid excuse as to why is didnt show up. You had lost most of your memory yet you would alwasy remember me ,the little boy you helped raise, you never forgot me and I sometimes feel like i did forget you .... Im truly srry Gramps that you were alone when you passed an coming up to that. I cant help feel so gulity not going to see you it eats at me. I kno you would never have gotten angry or felt disapointed in me so I want to thank you for that :) I will always remember you and I will always Love you my Grandfather may you be resting in peace and I hope im making you proud !


The rest of my life may be rocky (with so much happening I really dont know) but I still will enjoy all that I can ... Smiles an laughter I promise will be in my future no matter what happens I will be smiling and laughing ... World ! ready or not Robert Haro is coming ... He's also a new and improved Superman !





P.S.

Its funny how much I have missed that thump, thump, thump of my heart. Its like a warm reminder of how wonderful life can be. No matter what the future may hold I am ready ... thump thump thump