It's late at night and here I am not asleep writing my blog ...
My mind feels like it's running a marrathon and it's been going 100 miles per hour but getting no where !!! i believe a new era for Superman is coming ... The superman of old is gone ... He died buried with his red and blue suit ... Now in the shadows lies the new Superman, the one who is the true hero but needed time to found out not only who he was but what he stood for ...
I thought I was bulletproof and then came one day I found myself staring down the barrel of a gun (a gun known as life) and suddenly realized that the "Superman" I was ... clearly wasn't bulletproof, the trigger was pulled and I -the one who was supposed to Invincible, the one who was supposed to never lose, the one who said he could never be beaten -was brought to my knees. I had lost who I was but I truly had never found me in the first place I had just hid behind a crest.
I was powerless and in the dark completely and utterly vulnerable. All that i knew went up in flames. I had been knocked off the top of the world (and in reality I was just running away from what I was feeling). I couldn't understand why this was happening, I felt as if I was to never again feel like I did and that scared the holy piss out of me ... Yet as i walked around in the dark looking for anything that i could hold on to I started to see that what i was wasn't what I wanted to be anymore ... I had spent so much time trying to be this "Superman" tha everyone knew (hell that I only knew how to be), that I had lost who Robert Haro was ... In the dark I saw me again ... I saw the child that loved life, the teenager that hated that same life, the man that will one day live that life, the partner I can be one day, the person I am today, the friend i want to be, the brother i strive to be, the son I have been, the role model I am and will be to ppl, the true Superman i will become, the father that will love his children.
I spent so much time helping others that in the end I almost couldnt help myself. It took not knowing where the hell up, down, left, or right was to find my Fortress of Soliude, my safe haven from this ride we call life.
I found Robert Haro and this time he is here to stay. I will not make the mistake of my past for I finally understand what I need to do with anything in my life ... DO my absolute best and I wont be let down nor will I ever truly lose to this game we know is life. Ive taken the blows I need to become what I need to be for my life to be what I want it to be ... Ive been through a unholy hell enough times to be able to understand life isnt always kind but while thats true I will not be beaten again not like before no this time I will always stand back up and I. WILL. NEVER. GIVE. UP. !!!
On a side note I just need to add ... Grandpa I truly miss you ... Its nearly been a year since you passed and when I remember you I feel lik a little kid again, I see you at ur best teaching me how to ride my bike, showing me how to look after all ur puppies (oh how you loved dogs:), always making sure i knew that you loved me. Grandpa you didnt have to be half the man you were with me and my family being that you and us were not blood related yet you choose to be the greatest man Ive ever know (being a father to my own pops when his dad barley gave a care about us) ... the day you passed was a day ill never forget. I already knew it had happened before my parents told me. Thats the reason I came into there room that wednesday night. My mother in tears an the shock on my fathers face was enough to back my feelings. You were gone and I hadnt seen you in years. I felt (an some days still do) like I had abonded you , my loving grandfather, I kept saying how i would go visit you in the nursing home yet week after week I had these stupid excuse as to why is didnt show up. You had lost most of your memory yet you would alwasy remember me ,the little boy you helped raise, you never forgot me and I sometimes feel like i did forget you .... Im truly srry Gramps that you were alone when you passed an coming up to that. I cant help feel so gulity not going to see you it eats at me. I kno you would never have gotten angry or felt disapointed in me so I want to thank you for that :) I will always remember you and I will always Love you my Grandfather may you be resting in peace and I hope im making you proud !
The rest of my life may be rocky (with so much happening I really dont know) but I still will enjoy all that I can ... Smiles an laughter I promise will be in my future no matter what happens I will be smiling and laughing ... World ! ready or not Robert Haro is coming ... He's also a new and improved Superman !
P.S.
Its funny how much I have missed that thump, thump, thump of my heart. Its like a warm reminder of how wonderful life can be. No matter what the future may hold I am ready ... thump thump thump
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